im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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