It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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