You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.