I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.