Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.