i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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