I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.