Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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