I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.