Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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