I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.