That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
