Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I enjoy the company of your penis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
