I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
