Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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