All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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