my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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