If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
