Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
