I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize