you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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