you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
