It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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