Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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