I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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