I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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