oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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