her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i now understand why vodka
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
