I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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