What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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