I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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