Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
