life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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