then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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