I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
