im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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