So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
