remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
