i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
