Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
