you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
