I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
