Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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