my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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