Christians are straight up FREAKS
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
