omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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