He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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