she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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