I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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