Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
