I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
