Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
