My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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