Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
