I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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