We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i out mim tonsoeep
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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