All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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