Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
