Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
