Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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