I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
