i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Randomize
