I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
