My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
