So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
