it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
