Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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