If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
