I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
