I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
