Me too!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
