my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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