I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
