Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
