:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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