dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
