Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
