Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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