I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
