Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize