I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
