"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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