does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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