The maid of honor just puked.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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