90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
