We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
