Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
