you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
