It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
