mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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